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Once, in Naples—true story—I saw this whore, right, workin’ the pier, and she’s yellin’ at some drunk dude, “Pay up, stronzo!” Italian, fiery, gorgeous—kinda turned me on, not gonna lie. Surprised the hell outta me! I’m like, “Whoa, Larry, calm down, she’d eat you alive!” And she would! I’m too awkward, too whiny—whores don’t got time for that. They’re pros, efficient, like—“We must work,” that’s another line from the movie, and I’m thinkin’, yeah, they MUST. No sittin’ around feelin’ sorry.

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First off, I’m heading down Shevchenka Street, and I swear, the potholes are getting bigger. Like, are we trying to create a new lake here? I almost lost my coffee. And don’t get me started on the traffic. It’s like everyone decided to drive at the same time. I’m stuck behind this old Lada that’s going 20 km/h. C’mon, man! We’re not in a race, but let’s at least keep it moving!

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